Allowance Is Better Than Accepance

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Try it sometime. Next time you find yourself in a difficult situation and have to make a difficult decision or choice think about ‘allowing’ the reality and the truth of your situation instead of just accepting it.

I started to think a lot about acceptance in the wake of how family members of the victims of the shooting in the black church were so quick to forgive the shooter. I was wondering why they felt compelled to so quickly forgive the shooter instead of just ‘accepting’ what happened so they could move out of grief and continue on with their lives. I mean, who would begrudge them for not forgiving the shooter?

All of us face difficulties we cannot change. We face difficulties that resisting will only cause us stress and will not diminish the diffucukty and will probably only increase the intensity of the difficulty. So it seems our choices are to resist or….to accept….

I was on the phone with my daughter recenly listening to her tell me about a difficult situation she lives with, caused by difficult family members and that’s when I got the idea of ‘allowance’, instead of acceptance.

It occured to me that ‘acceptance’ will always carry with it resistance to it. Forgiveness feels temporary, like you are loaning it to someone and it can be taken back. Both carry weight for the person who is doing the forgiving or accepting. But allowing….it feels like letting go of the pain, the difficulty. And by letting go of something we all know is the only sure fire way that you can be fully free from someting if that is what you want. Or, if you want it to come back to you, to let it go is the only sure way to make sure it does come back.

So try it out. Is there is a difficult person in your life you can’t change? You dont want to break off all relations with them? Allow them to be who they are, unconditionally. Stop expecting them to change. You have a difficult situation? Allow it to be so and you just adapt. Dont resist. Don’t forgive. Don’t accept. Just allow the sutuation to be what it is and take care of your self as best you can within that situation. And frequently remember the great words that the referee says to the boxers just before the first bell rings, “protect yourself at all times”. Find your path in around and through the difficulty without having to fall into the rIver of lava that seems to follow us where ever we go. Walk beside it. Skip over it. Allow it to flow ever so close and throw it’s glancing blows at you as you rope a dope your way though life’s difficulties.

Now try this on for size….

“God, grant me the serenity to (fill in the blank) _______ the things I cannot change — and you know the rest (and if you don’t just google the serenity prayer).